27 September 2022
Why are you so busy? Are you an overachiever? It may surprise you to learn that there's actually no gold stars for this and that overachievement actually comes from trauma and a belief of low self worth.
How is low self worth tied to being an overachiever?
High Achiever vs Overachiever
While it might seem like a good thing to be aiming for consistently high standards there is a big difference between being a high achiever and being an overachiever. If you're a high achiever, you seem to effortlessly create and things just seem to flow through you. You have an idea and you execute it simply and effectively. This is because the high achiever is tapping into their area of excellence, their passion, joy and service to the world and allowing spirit to flow through them to create. They are in flow with the universe and from this state co creation is beautiful.
In the case of an overachiever, there's a very different energy at play. Overachievers normally embody the energy of low self worth. They hold themselves to impossibly high standards, berate themselves when they can’t meet them and aim to obtain perfection no matter what the cost. Being an overachiever comes with a lot of pain, anguish and self criticism. This is when the energy of striving for excellence is no longer a creative, motivational force but has gone into imbalance and become destructive.
How do you know if trauma and low self worth is driving your will to succeed?
Can you recognise these traits of an overachiever in yourself?
Busy proving your worth
You are productive all the time. Did you know this is a trauma response, which actually stems from low self worth? This can manifest as being consistently busy or doing things for others to prove you are worth keeping around. Essentially there is a belief that you are not enough and if you want to be cared for, looked after and have your own needs met you need to be valuable and useful to others. What you are really doing is trying to prove your worth. You're consistently saying ‘if I just achieve this in my business, if I manage to get this done, then they'll respect me, or then they'll validate me’.
Too busy to feel
You are too busy to ‘wallow’ in your feelings. Low self worth and trauma can also manifest in perpetual action for another reason, as a defence mechanism from pain. Keeping yourself so busy that you don’t have time to feel is a strategy we employ in an attempt to avoid pain. Sometimes when pain or trauma happens we are so overwhelmed that we block it out as a means of coping. We say I'm not going to look at that pain, I'm not going to feel it, I'm not going to process it, I'm just going to deny it and I'm just going to get on with my life.
Everyone else comes first
You put yourself last. You love and care for those around you which is a beautiful thing, but did you know that always putting others needs above your own is a trauma response and actually brings us out of alignment with the highest good for all? We are each a spark of the Divine consciousness, no one more important than the other. When you neglect your own needs and consistently serve others without caring and nurturing for yourself too you are abusing the Spirit of God in you. It’s easy to see that abuse of the Spirit of God is wrong and you wouldn’t dream of doing it to another so why do you do it to yourself? It is just as wrong when done to the Spirit within you as to another.
Adrenaline junkie
You run on adrenaline. You know that constant high you get from running about doing one thing than the next and the next and the next? Your body actually becomes addicted to adrenaline and this can be a hard pattern to break. This is a very harmful process because that excess adrenaline in your body actually scorches your organs and causes damage. The adrenal glands get burnt out and can’t effectively produce adrenaline when needed and you begin to suffer from chronic fatigue. At play here as well is toxic heavy metal poisoning built up in the brain. Very often the person who has the tendency to be an overachiever is also suffering from post traumatic stress disorder.
I can do everything
You are over capable. You are extremely productive and you get a hundred things done every day, but you won't ask anyone to help you. You just push and push and push yourself until you're absolutely exhausted and you have a crash. Overachievers typically do not ask for help. This is a trauma response that again stems from being neglected and let down. You have learnt that there is nobody you can relie on except yourself and that if you want to get something done you must do it yourself.
Deny yourself joy
You don’t allow yourself to do the things that bring you joy. Believe me, I know all about this. I realised today that I have been in my new area nearly one year and the whole time I’ve been here I’ve been promising myself that I will go and browse in a particular clothing shop that has caught my eye but it never seems to be the right time. There are always ‘more important’ things to do. If there’s something you want to do for yourself does it automatically go to the bottom of the list, at the bottom of the never ending list of chores? If I just do all these 20 other things that I need to do for everyone else, then at some point I'll be allowed to go and have that walk, paint that painting, buy that dress, have that coffee etc. That my friends is denying yourself joy.
These patterns of behaviour may be pushing you to excel in a certain area of your life but at what expense? What is over achievement really, but just underachievement in another area? In one area of life, normally work, you may seem to be doing exceptionally well, but when you look at your life as a whole so many other areas are suffering, and in this sense it’s obvious that over achievers come last. Your relationships, health, happiness, family and wellbeing are out of balance.
Rekindling the flame of self love
The good news is you can rekindle to flame of self love within you. You can shift from self loathing to self love. When you do this you become a more balanced high achiever, rather than a destructive over achiever.
I've been an overachiever my whole life and it has been exhausting, to say the least. This relentless search for perfection and constant need to prove my worth comes with a lot of self loathing and very low self worth. Low self worth often comes from trauma experienced as a child. If you’ve experienced abandonment, abuse, neglect or not had your needs met by a trusted family member or adult you can develop low self worth. If someone teaches you that your needs don’t matter, that your opinions don’t count as a child you tend to believe them. When this happens in order to feel safe you will constantly seek for ways to prove your self worth in order to receive validation from others. On a subconscious level you may think that if they figure out just how worthless you really are they may choose not to keep you around and then how will you survive? Who will feed you, clothe you, house you? You will be on your own out there with no protection. This is the sort of conversation that was constantly going on in my head as a child and throughout my life.
As a child I would get consistently high grades. I would work very hard and I would get extremely good marks but this never brought me any joy. I wouldn't reward myself when I received those good marks, they were never enough, because ultimately I believed I was never enough. One day I handed in an English assignment and I received an A. I took it to my father and he looked at it he just commented ‘oh, you got an A. What happened to the A plus?’ I knew I couldn’t take any joy or pride in my results because it was simply expected of me to consistently receive these marks, it was my way of getting to stick around and earn my keep. On this occasion I had just managed to scrape through. My father wasn’t a bad person, he was simply playing out a familiar pattern of abuse and low self worth. I remember at the time though that it hurt even more because my best friend had received a C and his mother was taking him out for ice cream to celebrate and I had been secretly hoping that maybe I could have an ice cream too.
Just the other day I was preparing to make a video and I had this idea for the Equinox and I wanted to go down to the beach and make the video there. I'd been rushing to get everything done, take the kids to school, get organised, get down there, get ready to film. I found the perfect spot, got out my notepad and then discovered I didn't have my camera! Immediately the old feelings of self hatred came flooding back. A familiar voice in my head said ‘You're such an idiot, you've forgotten your camera!’ Then I stopped and I observed what I just said to myself, and I thought, hang on a minute, am I really an idiot? No, I'm just busy, I've been rushed off my feet and I've made a mistake, but I'm here at the beach right now, and I'm sure I'm here for a purpose. Maybe my purpose is just to enjoy the beauty and to allow myself this moment of rest and calm. I sat back and closed my eyes for a few minutes. As I opened them six dolphins swam slowly past me, it was just so beautiful! I knew this moment was a reward for my shift in view.
Observe your self beliefs
If you're working to heal trauma in your own life, you can use this simple practice to bring about more balance and harmony. Firstly, you must observe. You must listen to that voice in your head, realise that you're disconnected from it, that it isn't you and actually observe it. Ask yourself, is it kind? Is it helpful? Is this serving me? Is this for my highest good? If not, challenge what it says to you and you can begin to make a shift.
As you make this process part of your daily life you will return to greater balance. You can come back into a place of being grounded and centered, and you can begin to make more loving choices for yourself and begin to heal that trauma.
'Thousand suns' by Nicoleen Flamekeeper
If you'd like to work with me for physical or emotional trauma please reach out.
Choose the service that best suits you
A) Health Consult & B) Energy healing
A) Health Consult
Are you suffering with a chronic illness or condition? Through an analysis of your current symptoms and past medical history I am able to give you answers. A private 1 hr health consult is available in person or remotely.
B) Energy Healing
Do you need help shifting emotional pain and energy blockages? The healing flame burns up what no longer serves you to bring you into a state a bliss and alignment. Sessions conducted in person or remotely.
If you'd like some more hot tips for me, the Flamekeeper, for simple spirituality and healing,
Sending you love and light
xxx Nicoleen
Nicoleen Agnello is the Flamekeeper, Guardian of love and light of the Universal Spirit. She is a divinely gifted energy healer who practices medical astronomy (also known as the reconnection) for healing and offers health consultations through the medical medium protocol. She is a professional artist who uses her clairvoyance to create highly spiritual art for sale. Nicoleen offers private healings and consultations by appointment through
Comments