20 October 2022
When you struggle with low self worth there is a subconscious belief system running your life that says it’s selfish to put your needs above others. You believe it’s virtuous to put others needs above your own.
Do you come last in your life?
This belief system comes about when you experience trauma, neglect, abandonment or betrayal and often stems from childhood. If a parent withheld their affection from you or made you feel like you don’t matter then you can develop low self worth. This can lead you to try to try to earn validation and love through doing things for others. You develop a deep seated belief that you are defective in some way and UNWORTHY of love in your own right.
No one soul is more worthy of love than another
This is actually far from true and the answer lies in energy. We are each a unique spark of God consciousness. We are all EQUALLY important and valuable, no ONE soul is more worthy than another because we are ALL God consciousness. When you consistently put others needs above your own you are overgiving. You are out of alignment with the divine will because you are in polarity. The highest path, or path of enlightenment is called the middle path! That’s because it is the path of being centred, balanced and harmonious, not dragged into either polarity, that of overgiving or overtaking. When your’e in this state you aren’t a useful tool for the universe to work through. When you overgive you become exhausted, drained and used up with no energy to be of use to anyone.
I believed I wasn't worthy of love
This was my story as I grew up suffering a lot of abuse, trauma and neglect. My parents weren’t there for me emotionally and very often physically too. I spent most of my time unsupervised with my basic needs not met. I was often hungry, unwashed and neglected. This instilled in me a subconscious belief that I wasn’t worthy of love as myself, and if I wanted to be validated or respected by others I needed to earn it.
I became a people pleaser tn order to survive
This belief played out on auto pilot throughout my life causing havoc and devastation. I became a people pleaser in order to survive. I would consistently overgive to the point of exhaustion in an attempt to receive love and respect through my actions. I became severely ill for a ten year period after the birth of my first child. I was in severe pain at all times, I was mostly bed bound able to do just a few hours of activity each day and wheelchair bound with the birth of my second child. This was one of the darkest periods of my life. My family lived overseas and my husband worked long hours each day so I was alone struggling with severe illness and two small children. My husband tried to help me by finding an occasional care centre where my son could go for a few hours a week so I could get a break. This backfired though because of my subconscious programming telling me that I needed to earn any help I received and I found myself volunteering for their committee. I would actually PAY for my son to attend childcare and then work for FREE in their premises while he attended so I never got a break. I didn’t stop there either, I would work long into the night designing flyers and events for them all unpaid.
Unworthiness literally drove me crazy
At one point my hips dislocated and I ended up in a wheelchair with the birth of my daughter. You’d have thought that for any sane person being wheelchair bound, alone with a newborn would have been enough to deal with, but of cause I was far from sane! The disease of unworthiness drove on relentlessly as usual and I continued to create decorations and plan events for the care centre from bed with my baby in arms. Now here’s the really crazy part! The second I managed to get out of the chair for short periods using a walking aid I decided I would go down to the hall and decorate for one of the events. I literally strapped my hips together with a giant elastic belt and off I went to work all day with my newborn. Unfortunately there were limits to what I could achieve as I couldn’t raise my legs independently of each other because my hips would dislocate so I found I couldn’t climb a ladder. This meant I had to drape the bunting I’d made around the hall at the height I could reach standing upright which wasn’t very effective. I clearly remember one of the woman from the centre returning from her lunchbreak, (which I had worked through) and laughing at my handiwork.
A pivotal step towards healing
This was actually a pivotal moment in my journey because it FINALLY began to dawn on me that no matter what I did it was never going to be good enough to earn respect, love and appreciation!
You see sometimes we have to go to crazy lengths to actually learn our lessons! When we have low self esteem we can become so busy tending to others, far beyond anything that is right or reasonable that we neglect our own needs.
Trying to earn love and validation from others
God gave you one spark of consciousness and said ‘here, I will give you a tiny part of myself which contains all my glory, power and infinite potential. Will you look after it’? And we say yes, of cause, I’ll treasure it with my life!’ But then we get down to Earth and things happen. We struggle and get knocked around by trauma and abuse and over time we forget the great treasure we have within us. We start doubting our worth and start looking around outside of ourselves for solutions. We feel so bad that we subconsciously try to earn self worth and validation from others by taking care of them, trying to earn just a little tiny bit of their love.
If we can't look after ourselves we can't look after others
The irony is if we are not even capable of looking after ourselves we are fooling ourselves to think we are capable of looking after others!
For example when you are on an airplane you are instructed in the safety drill to fit your own oxygen mask before helping others. That’s not selfish, it’s just common sense! If you pass out you have endangered not just your life but many other vulnerable lives you could have helped.
'Thousand suns by Nicoleen Flamekeeper'
Shift from trying to be worthy to being willing to receive love
This is the same in daily life. Honour the spark of consciousness God has entrusted to you. There is no one else who can fulfil the role that God has planned for you. There is no one else who has your unique set of talents and gifts to give the world. If you aren’t able to show up in your full radiance we are all going to be worse off. Care for your needs and understand it’s not selfish to do so, but actually your responsibility. As you fill yourself up you will have more to freely give to those around you, and everyone benefits! Shift from trying to be WORTHY to being WILLING and God will create a great work through you for the benefit of all in your life.
If you'd like to work with me for physical or emotional trauma please reach out.
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Sending you love and light
xxx Nicoleen
Nicoleen Agnello is the Flamekeeper, Guardian of love and light of the Universal Spirit. She is a divinely gifted energy healer who practices medical astronomy (also known as the reconnection) for healing and offers health consultations through the medical medium protocol. She is a professional artist who uses her clairvoyance to create highly spiritual art for sale. Nicoleen offers private healings and consultations by appointment through
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