3 February 2022
It hurts to be ignored, unvalidated and overlooked? It hurts even more when you are doing this to yourself.
The abandonment wound is created when at a young age our parents or meaningful people in our life aren’t there for us.
When your emotional support, love or even physical needs aren’t met as a child, you are made to feel a burden, not good enough or worthy of attention and care. You feel like you don’t matter.
When you go unacknowledged, you feel empty and invisible.
The biggest tragedy is that we learn unhealthy coping mechanisms which keep us locked in this cycle and we perpetuate this abuse by consistently abandoning ourselves!
When you go through severe trauma and abuse at a young age, you become hyper vigilant to your surroundings and danger. You are always on red alert, tuned into any threat.
This threat is most often in the form of an unpredictable parent or adult. You become so attuned to them because your very survival depends on their emotions, their actions, their unpredicatability.
Many victims of this abuse attempt to protect themselves by tuning into the needs of others in order to survive.
This is a necessary action that your ego creates as a survival mechanism, but this learned pattern of behaviour very often remains with us throughout our adult life too.
As an empath, one who can easily read others emotions and energy you lose yourself in the process. Anything you may have wanted to do, your wishes, needs and desires are pushed aside because it seems more important to make sure that you please the other, that you pacify them so that they don’t harm you in revenge or lash out because they aren’t getting what they need.
The abandonment wound-You abandon yourself.
You sacrifice yourself, in fact you lose yourself. You abandon yourself. I have had clients explain that they don’t have a sense of self, that they don’t even feel that they have a self and this was my own experience too.
Selfless; without a sense of self
When we constantly give our energy to others and put our own needs last, we become selfless; without a sense of self! Yes, giving is a powerful thing, but not when it’s at the expense of your own energy. We are meant to fill ourselves up first and then overflow our love to others, not completely drain ourselves.
In fact there are no gold stars for abandoning yourself, always putting your needs last and letting yourself get trampled on by other more aggressive or needy personalities.
Self sacrifice is abuse of your own soul
Each of us is a unique spark of God consciousness, a divine soul of light. There is no one soul above the other. When we defer to another or sacrifice ourselves or become a martyr we aren’t accumulating soul points! Actually this is abuse! We are perpetuating abuse against our own soul!
The way to come back to your own soul and to stop abandoning it is a multistep process. There is no one single step to take, it’s a personal journey of constantly tuning in to your soul, listening to it’s wants and needs, honouring them and setting boundaries.
It takes a huge amount of effort to come back to yourself when you have been ignoring yourself for so long, but it isn’t impossible. One of the simplest and most practical physical things you can do is to listen to what your body needs. Is it hungry, is it thirsty, is it in pain or tired or sad?
The more energy you put in to yourself, the more power you restore to your soul!
It takes time and energy to look after our body and mind, to make healthy nourishing whole foods from scratch and to care for your emotional and mental health, yet when you do you are investing all that energy into yourself.
For instance when I was very sick I was told I needed to cut out gluten and dairy. This upset me. My favourite meal was bread and cheese because it was quick! You see I grudged myself any time or energy towards fulfilling my own needs.
I didn’t want to have to prepare a lunch for myself when the rest of my family was out at school or work. I felt like it was a waste of time. I felt like I wasn’t important enough to warrant cooking for, just for me, not if nobody else was going to be there to enjoy it!
I didn’t value myself.
I abandoned my own needs to always look after others and this learned behaviour was due to abandonment trauma I had experienced at a young age.
I didn’t invest my energy in myself. Everything I did was focussed on others and this was a huge part of why I ended up so severely ill for ten years, mostly bed bound, in a wheelchair and in severe pain for my 30s-40s.
One of the most important lessons I learned was that all souls are equal and when I was giving away all my energy to others I was abusing the soul of light that God had given me! When I thought I was doing a good thing I was actually perpetuating abuse!
If you are ready to stop abandoning yourself and to start the healing process there are a few daily routines I recommend to get started.
Top five tips for returning to yourself:
1. Journaling:
The process of daily recording your thoughts, emotions, events and triggers can be revolutionary to rebuilding your connection to self. Through daily use, you will become more aware of the underlying patterns and belief systems running your life on autopilot and you can see what needs to change
2. Meditation:
Practicing meditation daily for a minimum of 20 mins each day really helps you to centre your energy and return to your being. I recommend making a certain time daily, preferably in the morning before the busy day so that you can carry that peaceful energy with you throughout the day.
It also helps you to become familiar with your own energy so you can more easily recognise whether the energy you have picked up on is yours or not. I am highly empathic and one of the ways I register energy is physically.
For example a few years ago I was helping a friend over the phone with a medical medium protocol as they were dizzy, achey and unwell. After the call I started to feel very sick and had to lie down for an hour.
As I lay there I suddenly realised that I had picked up my friends energy and that these weren’t my symptoms! I cut chords and shielded and the symptoms vanished instantly! It’s only through awareness of our own energy that we can begin to recognise what is ours and what isn’t and this takes practice.
3. Eat high vibrational food:
Food is energy. Different foods hold different vibrations and when you eat them you embody that energy and become it.
• Meat: carries the energy of death and trauma from when the animal was killed.
• Grains: Dried grains are dead, their energy is very low.
• Processed food: Contain GMO’s which feed viruses and harmful chemicals and toxins which poison your body. They are produced in factories or fast food outlets where workers are low paid and often desperate and this food becomes tarnished with this low vibrational energy.
• Fat: High fat diets are trendy right now, we are told lies like our brain runs on fat or we need a lot of protein. This is incorrect, in fact although our brain contains some fat it is mostly glucose and what we really need is glucose from fruit.
The highest source of protein is actually leafy greens such as spinach, not meat. All meat, even skinless chicken and fish is very high in fat. If you are going to eat meat, fish or poultry cut back to one small serve a day preferably in the evening so your liver can work throughout the day without having to stop and create bile to break down fat.
A high fat diet (even a plant based such as nuts, seeds, avo etc) slows down your liver which makes it much harder for the liver to extract the nutrients from the food and mop up viruses and bacteria.
The liver keeps us healthy not just in a physical sense but it is also the place where emotions are stored in our body. Often when I work on someone’s energy I find their entire right side is blocked with pent up emotions which the overburdened liver has not been able to store.
These energy blockages cause counter manifesting and prevent the life flow of Divine spirit through you.
• Fruit and veges: Raw living foods such as fruit, and veges hold very high energy. Sprouts, which have literally just sprung to life hold the highest vibration! So much so that just growing sprouts on your kitchen counter can counteract the energy of destruction and decay that mold present in a house creates.
• Investing in yourself:
Most importantly the extra energy it takes to prepare fresh homemade juices and food with love, all goes directly into your body! You are investing your energy in yourself!
4. Honour your bodies needs:
Are you tired but you are pushing yourself to keep going regardless, or are you feeling restless and caged in? You are abandoning yourself for the pursuit of something outside of you. If you take just 20 mins to rest or to go for a walk you will be able to return some equilibrium to your body and continue in a greater state of ease.
5. Boundaries:
Do you say yes to friends and doing things for others even when you want to say no? You are abandoning yourself to give your energy to others. You are allowed to say no. You don’t need to give any reasons or excuses. You don’t owe anyone anything, they have their own energy reserves to do with what they wish.
If you would like to forge like minded connections, I invite you to JOIN MY FACEBOOK GROUP 'I AM HEALING' where everyone is welcome to share and inspire each other.
If you'd like to work with me to heal physically or emotionally please reach out.
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If you'd like some more hot tips for me, the Flamekeeper, for simple spirituality and healing,
xxx Nicoleen
Nicoleen Agnello is the Flamekeeper, Guardian of love and light of the Universal Spirit. She is a divinely gifted spiritual coach whose purpose is to guide and support you in rising from the ashes of trauma and low self worth to be reborn. Nicoleen offers personal one on one coaching through her transformative Phoenix Program. She is an energy healer who practices medical astronomy (also known as the reconnection) for healing and offers health consultations through the medical medium protocol. She is a professional artist who uses her clairvoyance to create highly spiritual art for sale. Nicoleen offers private healings, personal coaching and consultations by appointment through www.theflamekeeper.com.au
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